LIVING and LOVING Every Minute of This LIFE




This Saturday my good friend (and mentor) at BYU,  Gary Hatch, died of a pulmonary embolism.

He was in his early 40s. (And there was no warning.)

Just. Like. That.

I'm so shocked.

I'm so sad.

And even with all of my outward faith and trust in the Lord, I'm left wondering Why?Why? Why? WHY?!

If anyone was deserving of a long, full, spoiled life, it was Gary Hatch.

I could scream, I'm so mad.


Yet . . .

amidst the chaos of this sadness, and the wandering of my mind, I keep coming back to this thought, "Stop asking why. You're asking the wrong question, Dawn."


Now, I don't want to be dramatic (well, actually I do)--and I don't know if this is the Ghost of Christmas Past, my mind, or the Holy Spirit--but something, some feeling, keeps urging me to change my focus.

Everytime I get ready to doubt the purpose of life, of God, something keeps reminding me to change my thought and literally  "Choose ye this day whom ye will serve" (in a big way).

You see, I know better than to doubt. (And as Dr. Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better.")

At my core, I'm just not a doubter.

I know that focusing on the whole "How can life mean anything?" makes me angry, sad, confused, stressed--literally sick.

Those questions and thoughts are not loving. They make me feel alone. Lonely. Scared.

For me, those aren't loving/Godly/Holy feelings.

So, I'm taking control of my noodle and exercising faith today. Because at the end of the day, I'm thinking that most of what I believe comes down to faith; there's no experiment or scientist who can erase my doubts. I'm in charge of what I believe and how I define this life.

And with all of my heart, I choose to focus on the good. The LOVE. The growth. The blessings.

That just makes sense to me.

And it also makes me FEEL better. It gives me strength. I feel encouraged. Excited. Hopeful.

And I think those are all Godly/loving/Holy thoughts.

And I want to live a Godly/loving/Holy life.

It just feels right to me.

So there. 8)

No more asking "why."

Done.
 
Yes, I'm still sad. And I'm still missing Gary and wishing things were different.

But, I'm done doubting.

What I really want to say today is "Thank you, 'Professor' Hatch! You taught me and guided me--and helped me to experience things I never would have been able to do without you. Dave and I appreciate your time, your education, your service, your friendship. I'm so glad we got to live on earth at the same time."

********

PS: Jack Frost--if you think this weather is gonna crack me, you're wrong. I laugh at the rain and wind. (PSS: It doesn't even make me want to punch a baby in the face!)

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